How to Make Raspberry Jam

  First, put on your grungiest clothes, because it's been raining for 2 days, and the odds are good that you'll slip and fall in the mud. Gather up the cup, the cowbell, dog leash and dog, walkie-talkie, and the berry picking companion. Have the bejeebers scared out of you when a baby deer jumps out of the bushes. Let your companion haul you across the ditch, then slip and slide as you try to climb up to the raspberry bushes. Make sure you don't pull him down when you almost fall, because he's trying to pick, hold the dog, and watch for bears at the same time. Don't get upset when he easily jumps back across the wide ditch full of water while you have to slowly slip/slide back to where the water's not so wide. Trudge home,  dry the dog off, take a bath, then pour a ton of sugar and a box of pectin over the fruit. Easy-peasy.